The Cathedral Within

“All of us have strengths we need to share. The challenge lies in creating vehicles that enable diverse individuals to do so, especially that vast majority who may not think of themselves as community activists, civic leaders, or social entrepreneurs, or as part of a broader national service movement. It’s not just about volunteering or trying to be a better person. It’s not about making your community a better place. It’s not about service being good for your soul. It is more fundamental, more primal. It is what the species instinctively wants to do: to perpetuate itself by leaving something behind; to make a mark that lasts; to make ourselves count.”

- Bill Shore 

“The Painter Eugene Delacroix once wrote that what inspires great artists is not new ideas, but their obsession with the idea that what has already been said is still not enough.” 

“So many of us in life start out building temples: temples of character, temples of justice, temples of peace. And so often we don’t finish them. Because life is like Schubeert’s Unfinished Symphony. At so many points we start, we try, we set out to build our various temples. And I guess one of the great agonies of life is that we are constantly trying to finish that which is unfinishable…. Well, that is the story of life. And the thing that makes me happy is that I can hear the voice crying through the vista of time saying, ‘It may not come today or it may not come tomorrow, but it is well that it is within thine heart. It’s well that you are trying. You may not see it. The dream may not be fulfilled, but it’s just good that you have a desire to bring it into reality. It’s well that it’s in thine heart.’” 

- Bill Shore

Why do you do it?

This is some what of a random quote but it’s from The Matrix and it has always stood out to me. It’s a conversation between Agent Smith and Neo. 

Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you’re fighting for something? For more that your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose, and all of them as artificial. Although, only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it. You must know it by now. You can’t win. It’s pointless to keep fighting. Why? Why do you persist? 

Because I choose to.

Why?

When I tell people what I do on Friday nights and Saturday mornings, they always are surprised. They always ask “why do you go out and do that?” “What’s the point?” 

What do I accomplish? Sometimes I don’t know. I find myself going out because I enjoy their company. I find a certain peace in my heart and my mind. Out in the woods, there is a certain isolation and tranquility. 

Will I ever understand what it means to be homeless? I hope that my life doesn’t take me in that direction, but I hope to get a glimpse of their lives, their perspectives, and the live lessons they have to offer. I take each experience as something to grow from and learn from. That isn’t to say that my work is an experiment or some sort of school project. Rather, my goal is to give “them” a voice, an arena, an outlet to share their lives and their message. We all have so much to learn from each other, and the homeless population is no different. They see the world through their experiences, just as we do, yet the world looks back at them in a very different way. 

I find myself seeing the world in new ways, and wanting to experience it through a different perspective. I know when I was little I wanted to be a police officer. I thought “defending the peace” and “upholding the law” was the greatest thing an individual could do. I guess numerous police visits to my house when I was little (none for a good reason) didn’t hurt my intrigue. I remember sitting in the sherifs office in the middle of the night while numerous officers would come in and talk to me and give me things to play with. It was during a time in my life that I would rather forget, but still, it impacted me in some way. 

Still, later in life I found myself wanting to live out in the wilderness away from civilization. That idea rooted from the stark reality that I wouldn’t be able to play baseball much longer (due to physical injuries). It was my life for so long, and loosing it caught me off guard. Well that and a really great hiking trip through North and South Carolina. There was something calming and very peaceful about being out in the wilderness. There was a loneliness and solitude that I found very comforting. 

In the end it’s not about how I feel. I oddly feel very comfortable out in the woods with the homeless. I feel a sense of community and love that I don’t normally see. Yet, while I am comfortable being out there, I feel a great amount of discomfort in the idea that people must live that way. The social issues that cause people to live in such situations is very troubling. 

I am lucky to be touched by so many amazing lives. Their stories, their constant hope, and their resilience inspires and amazes me. My only hope is that I can find the means to spread their voice and their stories so that others can see in them what I have come to learn and love.

The Watermark of Student Leadership

 

 

Engaging with students from around the state is always an amazing experience. So often we get caught up in our own initiatives that we loose track of the idea that there are thousands of students around the world striving to accomplish the same goals we have set up for ourselves. Many a times, we find ourselves frustrated and disappointed in the product of our endeavors. I was once told that leadership can take you to a very lonely place in life, and I find that true in many aspects. While it is simply a perceived loneliness, we sometimes find ourselves feeling like were alone in our journey towards making a difference. That being said, conferences like this remind me and connect me to the thousands of students who share my passions and see the world through a similar lens.

As always, these types of conferences inspire us all to go forth and do more in our community. While those I work with on a daily basis inspire me, I sometimes forget about the numerous privileges we have on the Rollins College campus. Our resources here are limitless compared to many of the programs in Florida, and to see students come together and do so much with their limited resources inspires me to utilize all that is given to me. In addition, I believe that leadership is a constant learning process. If we look at life as a chain mesh of experiences that link up to make us who we are, each experience creates an arena to learn more about others and ourselves. As I strive to understand what it means to be a leader and how I can be a more effective leader, conferences like The Watermark of Student Leadership help equip me with the tools needed to be a stronger leader.

In addition, I am always intrigued to see how and what others learn from shared experiences. We are all at different levels in terms of cognitive ability and we all see the world through different lenses. The group that went to this conference encompasses a broad spectrum in terms of experience, knowledge, and views in regard to leadership. Their individual analysis of different activities only enriches my understanding of what we learned. In some ways I see where I was only a few months ago, and I see my own progression of understanding.

I feel that I learned the most from our final group meetings where we had to create an action plan for our group topic. While most people left the session feeling that the process itself was a disaster, I cant help but feel that we were all part of a very important learning experience. In a room full of campus and community leaders, we were confronted with egos, time conflicts, busy schedules, and too many ideas. I couldnt help but see the irony in our situation. The very leaders, who sometimes complain about the difficulties of working with student organizations or special interest groups, or just other students, were having the same problems. True, we had a leader who created a forum to talk and provided structure, yet we lacked a basic understanding of what we were there to accomplish. We were caught up in semantics and we quickly lost track of our goal. Its not about us. We were there to find a way to create awareness about human rights violations and to make a difference in the lives of thousands of children around the world. A prerequisite to enter that room was that we had to be overbooked and too busy to do anything. But once again, its not about us. Its about giving voce to those who dont have one. Yet, we were so consumed with voicing our own wants and needs, that we missed the purpose of our planning. 

In that room I saw the same issues that I see on our campus every day when I work with student organizations or when I hear student leaders complain about communication issues and turning ideas into actions. It made me realize that at some point in our career we will all embody one of those roles. That is to say, we wont always see the bigger picture. We may let our personal agenda come in the way. We may even let our egos overshadow the task at hand. Acknowledging that possibility, I believe, is the first step towards becoming a stronger leader. Its impossible to make everyone happy all the time, and it is equally impossible to expect everyone to see any given situation through the same lens. All we can truly hope for is to be open to others opinions. To dismiss any line of thinking different than our own is to do everyone a great disservice. While we may not always see eye to eye with those we work with, we must attempt to understand the reasoning behind their perspective. Most of the time it will only help us understand our own positions slightly better. Leaders, in any capacity, dont always have the right answers. Rather, we all shed light on an issue through our own life experiences and understanding of the world. All we can hope for is that at the end of the day, when we all come together to work on something, that our collective lights and lenses illuminate our goal in all its entirety.

As I near the end of my Rollins College career as a student, I am torn in many ways about my future. As I think of the many great leaders on this campus, I feel that many of their accomplishments end with their departure. They do great things, and create positive changes, yet the passion to continue in the same direction is extinguished. While this may not be true of the leaders we see on this campus today, I do believe that this was true of the leadership that went through our school when I was a freshman and sophomore here at Rollins.

I am proud to say that when I leave, I am confident that there are many students who can step into my position and do what I do and so much more for both this campus and for the greater Central Florida community. The future of this college is bright, and the group of leaders that went on this trip exemplifies what the future holds. With that in mind, I hope that I have inspired others to strive to do more not for themselves but for others. Our future success depends on those who can look beyond themselves.

Death…

You can shed tears that they are gone, 

or you can smile because they lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that they’ll come back,

or you can open your eyes and see all they’ve left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see them,

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, 

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember them only that they are gone,

or you can cherish their memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, 

be empty and turn your back.

Or you can do what they’d want:

smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

    -David Harkins 

In the end, you can never be prepared to watch a loved one leave you. It takes a while to really set in…but there are two ways that we can go from here. When death comes at you in an unexpected way, it can be devastating. There’s so much I wish I could have said and done over the past few years…I guess I waited to long. 

Still, I can’t look back at my memories of our time together and regret anything. My grandfather loved me. He always looked out for me, and he was always there for me when I needed someone to talk. He knew when to speak, and when to listen. He knew when I needed a hug, and when I needed my space. While he was on the other side of the world, he was still always so close. 

It’s been a little over 7 years since I last saw him, and in that time I feel as though we had grown apart. Sometimes we let the insignificant things in life get in the way of that which truly matters. I know I am guilty of that. We tell ourselves that we live each day to the fullest and that we go to bed with no regrets, but think about it for just a minute…do we really take advantage of all the time we have? 

“Seventy-five years. That’s how much time you get if you’re lucky. Seventy-five years. Seventy-five Winters. Seventy-five Springtimes. Seventy-five Summers. And Seventy-five Autumns. When you look at it like that, it’s not a lot of time, is it? Don’t waste them. Get your head out of the rat race and forget about the superficial things that pre-occupy your existence and get back to what’s important now. Right Now. This very second. And I’m not saying, drop everything and let the world come to a grinding halt. I’m saying that you could become a seeker. You could be loving more. You could be taking some chances. You could be living more. You could be spending more time with your family. You could be getting in touch with the part of you that lives instead of fears; the part of you that loves instead of hates; the part of you that recognizes the humanity in all of us. And I tell you, That’s where you’re fortunate.”

    -G 

At the end of the day, it’s not about being sad that they’re gone, but rather it’s about celebrating the life that they lived. It’s rejoicing that they were there, and that they were a part of your life. Their impact will last forever. You start to think about why they loved you and cared about you so much. Only then do you realize how much you meant to them. Cherish their memories, live, love, and carry on. 

Living in your own backyard

I’ve always believed that my experiences in life have shaped  my view of the world and of human nature. In many ways I am caught between two different worlds. I find myself working in an amazing college campus that truly brings out the best in nature. The beautiful buildings, plush trees, thick grass, and glassy water paints nature at its best. Yet, this world painted for us is far form the norm for most people. 

We’ve created our own world to get lost in, and for many, that world creates a protective cushion form the sometimes harsh realities of the 21st century. With that in mind, there are many individuals working hard to open up channels from “our world” to the “real world.” The college experience  has a way of creating it’s own realm, separate from how the world operates. This can be attributed to the idea that college is a neatly packaged 4 year period of your life that can be disconnected from “who you really are.” Still, my point is that once you escape the realm of “college life” and break down the walls of your own college experience, you begin to uncover the full scope of the human experiences. 

For me, the world I chose to step into was the realm of hunger and homelessness.

College 101

Here is something that I felt I should share with anyone who cares to actually read stuff that I put on here. (some of you will appreciate/understand the picture above more than others)

COLLEGE 101

So maybe college really is about learning. Granted, it’s not just so simple as learning what is being taught in your classes. It’s learning about YOU–what you want, what you need, what you believe, and who you will be for the rest of your life. It’s about learning how to listen, how to speak, and how to think. It’s learning who your friends really are and how to be a true friend. College is about learning to tolerate, accept, like, and love. It’s learning to recognize each person for who they are, not what they do, and loving them for being themselves. It’s learning to respect the positions and see the persons inside that ultra-conservative or the complete radical who lives next door. It’s about expressing your views and listening to others’ with an open mind to understand, but without expecting anyone to change.

College is about learning to give without expecting anything in return. It’s knowing that if you pay the phone bill, your roommate will buy the next pizza, and in the end it will all even out. It’s learning that sometimes it’s okay to let people baby you, and that you don’t always have to be the strong one. It’s recognizing that it’s great to have good days, but sometimes the bad days let you see more of who you really are. 

College is about learning to be completely independent, then learning that complete independence really isn’t all that great without people who care. It’s learning that sometimes your parents really are right, and how to respect their positions and opinions while living your own life. It’s learning that sometimes your parents are wrong and sometimes they say things they don’t mean, but that’s okay because they really are human. It’s about learning that maybe having the same views as your mom isn’t such a bad thing. It’s learning that your kid brother isn’t a little kid anymore, and your older friend was right when he said that someday you would understand.

College is about learning how to be busy all the time and love it, learning how to motivate yourself to do anything, and learning how to dream and accomplish. It’s also about learning that sometimes it’s okay not to be productive, sometimes the biggest dreams aren’t the best, and that spending time with a friend can be so much more important than trying to be the king or queen of campus. It’s about learning how to excel and how to let others have the spotlight; how to do great things, and deciding what’s really important to you. 

College is about learning that sometimes a kiss isn’t just a kiss, sometimes it means more and sometimes it means less. It’s about having a crush and going for it, or realizing that the people who you already have are more important to you. College is about learning that sometimes the loudest parties don’t automatically mean a good time. Learning that you can feel best when you’re with a small group of friends, and that loneliness doesn’t go away in a crowd. Learning that knowing the most people when you go out doesn’t necessarily mean that you feel loved, and knowing that sometimes you have to admit that you’re scared, lonely, or that you need a special someone. College is about taking care of people who are having a bad night and not judging them on what they do; it’s about realizing that everyone has different values and that that’s okay. 

College is about learning that people like you more than they’ll probably ever tell you and learning how to tell people what they mean to you. It’s about learning how to make people smile and listen when they cry. It’s about learning to miss people a lot and not put them in the past, but continue moving into the future with them in your heart. It’s knowing that time won’t separate a true friendship if you don’t let it, and that somewhere someone’s always thinking of you. It’s about “making do” without seeming like you’re just making do, and learning to love life no matter what barriers you’re facing.

We wear backpacks, get ice cream at midnight, and refuse to miss our favorite TV show, yet we also balance work, classes, homework, organizations, relationships, and more. Yes, college is about learning. But one element ties every laugh, tear, and experience together – friendship. Perhaps more than anything else we learn to love, and how to walk hand in hand with friends through each day and each moment. We learn how to tell our friends everything and when to let them do the telling. We learn that when everything else seems to fail, true friends will be there to the end.

Words that Inspire

Everybody can be great, because everybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. You don’t have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve. You don’t have to know Einstein’s Theory of Relativity to serve. You don’t have to know the second Theory of Thermal Dynamics in Physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love, and you can be that servant.

    -Martin Luther King, Jr.

In the times to come the people will not judge us by the creed we profess or the label we wear or the slogans we shout but by our work, industry, sacrifice, honesty and purity of character.

    -Mahatma Gandhi

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

    -Epicurus

“You see things; and you say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say, ‘Why not?’”

    -George Bernard Shaw

“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”

    -Oscar Wilde

“The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don’t know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.”

 

“We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.”

    -Jonathan Swift

“Religion is to do right. It is to love, it is to serve, it is to think, it is to be humble.”

    -Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

    – Martin Luther King Jr.

Finding your way…

I find that if you set goals for yourself throughout the day, you discover how much time you truly have. I always dream big and then break down my vision into smaller attainable goals. While many of my goals seem overwhelming and unattainable, I’ve learned that the journey is more important than the destination. As I continue my journey through life, new paths towards my goals are illuminated through my interactions with others. 

Our deepedst fear is not that we are inadequate. 

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. 

It’s not in just some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presense automatically liberates others.

- Marianne Williamson 

As always, my own thoughts and desires are inspired and driven by the passions of those around me. It is easy to loose sight of your goals, and it is even easeir to lose the motivation to keep taking those small steps towards that final vision. Sometimes we are easily distracted and disheartened by those around us. While I’m big on internal motivation, it can be hard to carry on when those around you don’t understand why you do what you do. Yet, I continue to push forward, not always for myself, but with the hope that somewhere in my actions I will inspire someone else.

At the end of the day, it’s all about setting your vision and understanding how to attain your goals. It’s about setting a path towards that vision and not letting anyone tell you that you have to settle for less.

Why do we serve others?

I sometimes wonder what drives me to serve others. Why do I feel so connected to everyone I meet? It’s not an obligation. While some do it to feel good, I know that there are no good feelings that come with feeding the homeless, or helping someone piece their life back together. Rather, there is deep sadness and discomfort in my heart each time I touch someone’s heart and see the pain that they live through each day. 

Some serve because they would want someone to help them if they were in that position. While I see that view as somewhat selfish, I fully understand that mind-frame. There is a clear understanding that our lives, in many ways, are out of our control. Where we are today says very little about where we may be tomorrow. To treat others as we would like to be treated is a wonderful way to live. However, I have found that my personal motivation lies elsewhere. 

Every saturday morning when I drive out to the Ripple Effect I feel a deep sense of empathy that I don’t fully understand. I won’t ever claim to know how it feels to be homeless, but I have felt the pain of hunger. While my life may seem bright and filled with luxury now, the past is not as bright. 

For a while I was almost homeless while I tried to live with my mother while she was fighting to maintain my custody. We lived in a small one bedroom apartment right outside of Paramus, New Jersey. We didn’t have any furniture other than a saggy full size mattress, and we used the boxes we had as tables. I remember only eating twice, and sometimes only once a day. We needed to save as much money as possible to pay rent, and my mom needed the rest of the money for gas in order to get to work. Anything left over was used towards lawyers fees and my heart medication. The point of the story is that I understand the pain of hunger. Maybe not to the extent that most homeless people feel it, but I feel as though I have been given a small glimpse into their lives.

It is the understanding of true hunger, and the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that connects me to those I serve. I share my love with them, for I know how much it means to be loved, and I know how much power that gives the human spirit. I serve to bring hope into the lives of others, to share love with those who feel forgotten, and to share my life with those who have let me into theirs.